Remember that old saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”? Well, in parenting, sometimes the “small stuff” is a full-blown meltdown over a misplaced Lego or a tearful tantrum because the toast isn’t cut into the exact right shape.
And let’s be honest, as parents, we’re not always in the Zen zone when these emotional hurricanes hit. We’re tired, we’re stressed, and sometimes, we want to yell, “Go to your room and don’t come out until you’ve calmed down!” (Or maybe that’s just me?)
Those “big emotions” our kids display? They’re not just irrational outbursts or attempts to manipulate us (though sometimes it might feel that way). They’re expressions of genuine needs, a cry for understanding, a plea for connection.
And that’s where Wise Mind comes in. It’s like that calm, collected friend who always seems to know the right thing to say in a crisis. It’s the voice of reason that helps us navigate those emotionally charged moments with grace, empathy, and a healthy dose of “oddthentic” humor.
The other day, my kids and I were out “shopping,” just killing some time and getting some ideas. We wandered into a couple of discount stores, and the requests for toys started coming in fast and furious. “Dad, can I get this?” “Dad, can I have that?”
Now, I’m usually pretty good at setting boundaries and explaining financial limitations to my kids. But on this particular day, my patience was wearing thin. I had just enough cash to cover the groceries we needed, and the constant barrage of requests was starting to push my buttons.
We ended up at Trader Joe’s (not sponsored, but hey, if they’re reading this, I’m open to collaborations), and the requests continued. “Dad, can I get this cereal?” “Dad, can I have that snack?”
I felt like a broken record, repeating the same phrase over and over: “I don’t have extra money right now, guys.” But the requests kept coming, and my frustration was mounting and there’s were too. It’s not that I didn’t want to buy them something, I couldn’t.
As we waited in line at the checkout, my daughter made one final plea for a small bag of Jingle Jangle, a delicious and festive blend of chocolate-covered goodies in one little bag. And that’s when it hit me: I was about to lose it. My old MO of snapping or raising my voice was hovering just beneath the surface, ready to erupt. I knew this emotion well. It was usually paired with a mild functioning panic attack.
But then, something shifted. I paused. I took a deep breath and asked myself how I would handle this if I were calmer. It was like the world slowed down around me, the clatter of the grocery store fading into a gentle hum as a sense of calm washed over me. In that moment of clarity, without a hint of a panic attack, I knew what to do.
I squatted down to their level, looked them in the eyes, and said, “I understand that you want to get something, and I would love to buy it for you. But right now, I don’t have the extra money. When I get paid, we can come back and get it if you still want it, but you have to wait until then.”
It wasn’t the answer they wanted to hear, but it was the honest truth, delivered with empathy and understanding. And you know what? They accepted it. They didn’t throw a tantrum, they didn’t whine, they simply nodded and said, “Okay.” This is Wise Mind in action. A simple, yet challenging skill where emotion and logic come together.
We finished our shopping, walked back to our apartment, listened to music, and played a game of “avoid the puddles” on the way. On the walk back, we talked about some of the interesting foods we saw at Trader Joe’s and which ones we might want to try, especially the snacks and cheese. It wasn’t the most exciting adventure, but it was a moment of connection, a reminder that even in the midst of financial constraints and parenting challenges, there’s always room for joy, understanding, and a little bit of “oddthentic” fun.
Have you used Wise mind in situations like this with your kids? How’d it go for you? How’d it make you feel?
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