Finding Sanctuary in a New Groove
Sometimes, life takes us down paths we never anticipated, revealing hidden strengths and unexpected truths. I recently found myself navigating a deeply emotional experience, a journey that challenged my understanding of love, loss, and personal growth.
What began as a period of intense emotional processing transformed into something quite different. I discovered an unexpected wellspring of emotional regulation, a calmness that even surprised myself. Skills I had diligently cultivated, once requiring conscious effort, became integrated into my being, operating as background processes, allowing me to stay centered amidst the storm. It was a moment of realization when I actively searched for my internal monologue, only to find it silent, yet filled with the automatic application of DBT skills like circle of control, wise mind, mindfulness, and dialectics. These skills, practiced so consistently, had become new neural pathways, training my inner voice to instinctively use them. I had found a sanctuary within myself, a new groove in my emotional landscape.
The love I carried became a beacon of joy, rather than a source of pain. Memories, once tinged with sadness, now glowed with warmth and gratitude. I found a sense of peace in the midst of grief, recognizing its beauty and its role in healing. This experience taught me that love, even in the face of loss, can be profoundly healing. Genuine compassion, understanding, and respect for boundaries—both our own and those of others—are the foundation of real love. Love comes at us in different ways: love for partners past, present, and potential, love for friends, family, and even for ourselves. All run deep, but the volume they take up inside us varies depending on the foundation from which that love springs. Falling in love can also come along in different ways. It can be a sudden descent, or sometimes it’s gentle, like a dandelion seed drifting with the winds of change finally finding its home.
A recent, though short-lived, relationship had a profound impact on my life and journey. It granted me access to greater vulnerability, ultimately leading to the full acceptance of my real, oddthentic self—not a version of it, but full integration. It was a catalyst for finding my muse and unlocking the creativity of my heart. This relationship brought with it a profound sense of acceptance, understanding, and compassion, all of which continue to shape my perspective.
In the past, an experience like this would have sent me spiraling. I would have been consumed by anxiety, anger, and a desperate need to control the situation. I would have likely engaged in impulsive behaviors, desperately seeking reassurance or attempting to force a different outcome. But this time, it was different. This time, I found a sense of calm and acceptance, a testament to the transformative power of the skills I’ve learned and the growth I’ve achieved.
This unexpected shift led to a profound realization: the power of neuroplasticity extends beyond emotional regulation. It opens up possibilities for transformation in all areas of life. I discovered that I could intentionally create new pathways for positive change, that I was not limited by past patterns or perceived limitations.
I learned that love, true love, is not about possession or control, but about choice, acceptance, and honoring the other person’s journey. I learned that even in the face of loss, love can endure, bringing joy and cherished memories.
This experience has been a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It has shown me that even in the midst of pain, there is always the potential for growth, healing, and unexpected joy.
I share this not to dwell on the past, but to honor the journey and to express a hopeful transition into the future. I believe that by sharing our stories, we can inspire others to find strength and resilience in their own lives. This chapter, while challenging, has brought unexpected gifts of self-discovery, and for that, I am profoundly grateful.
And to the anonymous person who shared that time with me, thank you. Thank you for who you are and for what you have to offer. And if you’re reading this, wherever you are on your journey, thank you for the gift of presence you provided in my life it brought value to my journey and growth. You are an amazing person, and I hope you never dim the light you have in your heart. I regret none of the time and moments we shared and will keep my heart open to honor you and the place in it that will always be yours. You brought me a sense of peace and calm that I will carry with me forever. You will always be my cinnamon bear surprise. I wish you well and hope you find the balance and happiness you deserve. You will always be worth it for me.
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