Helping Kids Find Their Unique Voice in a World of Conformity
Finding My Voice: Reflections on Life, Work, and Relationships
It’s been a while since my last blog post (February 10th, to be exact!). Life, as it often does, took me on a bit of a detour. This time, the detour led me inward, and outward. I’ve spent the past few weeks navigating a new job, nurturing new relationships, and, of course, being present for my amazing kids. Amidst all of this, I’ve also been focusing on self-reflection and putting my DBT skills into practice. The result of this inner work, and outer growth, is what you’re reading now. This blog post is not just about helping our children find their unique voices; it’s about my own journey to rediscover and embrace my oddthentic self.
Introduction
As parents, we often feel this innate responsibility to shape our children. We want to mold them into good people, successful adults, and contributing members of society. (Because, apparently, the world needs more perfectly sculpted cookie-cutter humans, right?) But what if our role isn’t about shaping them into something they’re not, but rather guiding them to embrace who they already are?
Recently, an opportunity arose that led me to reflect deeply on my role as a guardian and mentor to young minds. Witnessing the journey of young people navigating the complexities of self-acceptance and finding their place in the world, I realized that our primary role as caretakers isn’t to mold children into a pre-determined image, but to guide them in discovering and embracing their oddthentic selves.
It’s about fostering an environment where they feel safe to explore their interests, express their emotions, and celebrate their unique quirks. It’s about teaching them to love themselves, shortcomings and all, and to share their unique light with the world.
The Power of Oddthenticity
This is what I call the power of “oddthenticity.” But what exactly is the difference between “authenticity” and “oddthenticity?”
Authenticity, while rooted from a place of being genuine, still carries a hint of conformity. It’s a term often used with a sense of following an instruction manual, of striving to meet external expectations of what it means to be “authentic.” It begins from an external point, a desire to fit in while interacting with others.
Oddthenticity, on the other hand, is about fully embracing who we are, quirks and all. It’s about celebrating the unique, and wonderfully weird aspects of ourselves that make us stand out from the crowd. It’s about that version of ourselves that only we truly know, the one we often hide from the world, until we feel safe and accepted.
But here’s the challenge: I believe we should show our oddthentic selves before feeling accepted by others. We should let our true selves be the guide, leading us to those who will accept us without hesitation or reservation. It begins from an internal place of acceptance, a deep knowing that our value comes from within, not from external validation. Oddthenticity is about embracing the perfectly imperfect, the beautifully flawed, and the wonderfully weird parts of ourselves. It’s about recognizing that true strength lies in being unapologetically ourselves, even when it means standing out from the crowd.
Embracing, Not Fixing
And those aspects we might perceive as flaws or shortcomings? They’re often the very things that make us unique and special. They’re the quirks and imperfections that add depth and dimension to our personalities. It’s not about “forgiving” mistakes, but about embracing them, adapting to them, and accepting that mistakes, while frustrating, are an essential part of the learning process.
Fitting In vs. True Acceptance
When we encourage our children to be oddthentic, we’re giving them the tools to navigate the world with confidence and resilience. We’re teaching them that their value comes from within, not from external validation or conformity. This is vastly different from encouraging them to simply “fit in.”
Fitting in often requires masking our true selves, suppressing our individuality to conform to the expectations of others. It’s a draining and ultimately unsustainable approach that can have long-term negative effects on young minds. It can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, and a constant feeling of not being “enough.” It can even lead us to feel like we’re “too much,” undeserving of love and acceptance, and hesitant to let others see our true selves. It makes us question our value and our place in the world, leaving us feeling like we have to shrink ourselves to be worthy of connection.
True acceptance, on the other hand, is about embracing our core selves, quirks and all. It’s about finding belonging in who we are, not who we pretend to be. This kind of acceptance, both internal and external, has a lifelong positive impact that not only affects our view of ourselves but also how we interact with and shape the world around us. It fosters confidence, resilience, and a sense of purpose.
Guiding Our Children Towards Oddthenticity
This isn’t always easy. As parents, we may have our own insecurities and fears that we project onto our children. We may try to steer them towards certain paths or discourage them from exploring interests that seem unconventional. But it’s important to remember that our children are not extensions of ourselves; they are unique individuals with their own dreams, passions, and perspectives.
So how do we guide our children towards oddthenticity?
Create a Safe and Accepting Space: It starts with creating a safe and accepting space where they feel loved and valued for who they are, not for who we want them to be. It’s about listening deeply, asking questions, and celebrating their individuality.
Encourage Exploration and Expression: Encourage them to express themselves creatively, to explore their passions, and to embrace their quirks.
Nurture Their Interests: Foster an environment where their interests are our interests. If it’s important to them, it’s important to us, even if it’s just a temporary fascination. Encourage them to test their interests with action and purpose. If your child wants to be a streamer, be an astronaut, or an artist, help them find resources, tools, and opportunities to explore those passions.
Who knows? Streaming might lead to a love for voice acting or podcasting, dreaming of space travel might spark a passion for engineering, and artistic pursuits could uncover a hidden talent for writing children’s books, graphic design, or marketing. By igniting their passions, even at a young age, we can set them on a journey of learning, growth, and self-discovery.
Keep the Dream Alive: No matter how unrealistic their dreams may seem, it’s crucial to keep that spark alive. A child with a disability may never become an astronaut in the traditional sense, but by embracing their dream, they might discover a way to achieve it in their own unique way, perhaps through advocacy, research, or assistive technology. They may create new technologies that change space exploration forever. The goal is to inspire them to imagine a world where they don’t just “fit in,” but help shape it to fit their reality.
Embrace Neurodiversity: This is especially important for neurodivergent children, those with ADHD, autism, or other learning differences. These children often feel pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations, which can lead to masking their true selves and suppressing their unique strengths. By embracing their neurodiversity and celebrating their differences, we can help them develop self-acceptance and thrive in a world that doesn’t always understand them.
Model Oddthenticity: Model oddthenticity ourselves, showing them that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to embrace the perfectly imperfect journey of life.
Let Them Lead: Most importantly, allow our children to guide how we lead them. They are the experts on their own experiences, and our role is to listen, support, and empower them to make their own choices.
This doesn’t mean giving them free rein, but rather creating a collaborative relationship where their voices are heard and their individuality is respected.
Encourage Mental Autonomy: Foster their mental autonomy, their ability to think critically, form their own opinions, and make their own decisions. Empower them to be the architects of their own lives, to shape their world in a way that aligns with their values and aspirations.
My Calling
This recent experience ignited a profound pull within me, a calling that echoes with the struggles and triumphs of my own childhood. It’s a calling to guide and empower young people, to help them embrace their oddthentic selves and shine their unique light upon the world. It’s a calling to provide and embrace those key elements that would have better prepared me for adulthood, elements that were vital in my early childhood when I struggled to find my place—a struggle that followed me well into adulthood and even influenced how I initially interacted with my own children.
My own journey with oddthenticity has been a complex one. As a child growing up in the Midwest, I felt accepted and understood. However, this changed when my family moved to the Pacific Northwest. My “weird” side, once celebrated, was now often met with judgment and rejection.
In junior high, my attempts to mask my true self to fit in reached its peak. Burned out from the mental load of masking in so many directions left me feeling like the awkward kid. This masking became a deeply ingrained habit, and I carried it with me into high school. While I did experience moments of embracing my oddthenticity in my junior and senior years, this was short-lived. As I got older, the pressures of conformity led me back to masking and adapting, ultimately contributing to anxiety, uncontrolled ADHD, and CPTSD.
However, there was a pivotal moment during my senior year that planted the seeds for this calling, though unknown at the time. I had a senior project in my pottery class. Having taken the elective class so many times, the teacher had no other projects for me. So, for the whole semester, I was tasked with coming up with my own project. It took a few weeks, but I decided that my project wouldn’t be in creating my own art, but in teaching those who often felt like outsiders, the art of pottery and giving them a space of acceptance. The class next to ours was a special needs class. My project invited them into our class, where the other seniors and I would show them how to mold and shape clay into works of art. It created a wave of interest with other students of all grades to jump in and make these kids feel included. Bonds, that once seemed unlikely, were formed and rippled outside the classroom and into the hallways. For a brief moment, those kids were accepted by their peers, the same peers who often looked away, gawked, or ignored. They were accepted for who they were. Their faces would light up as they were greeted in the hallways and invited to sit with others at lunch. While I may have been the catalyst, I don’t take credit for their acceptance. It was all them, I just provided the safe space for it to take place.
It wasn’t the fleeting moments of acceptance in high school that solidified my calling. It was the realization of the long-term consequences of suppressing my oddthenticity. It was the understanding that true belonging comes from embracing our authentic selves, not from conforming to the expectations of others.
This realization, coupled with remembering the transformative power of acceptance and inclusion during my senior project, ignited a deep desire within me to help young people navigate the challenges of self-acceptance and embrace their unique identities.
While I accept and embrace the experiences of my life, I recognize the transformative power of self-acceptance and the importance of nurturing it in young minds. It’s a calling that resonates with my deepest values and aspirations, and it’s one that I’m eager to explore further.
I believe that the power of oddthenticity is vital in growing children. It’s the key to unlocking their full potential, fostering their self-esteem, and empowering them to navigate the world with confidence and resilience. And as parents, it’s our responsibility to guide them on this journey, to nurture their unique light, and to celebrate the incredible individuals they are.
And I know as parents, teachers, guardians, and caretakers our plates are full. We have jobs, households to keep, errands to run, classrooms to teach, and more. I know what I’ve discussed here might seem overwhelming; it might seem like another thing to add to your mental load or “plate.” But remember, we are more than just the contents of our flatware metaphors. We are the caretakers of hearts and minds learning to navigate a world that is unforgiving and harsh. A world that has no issue allowing children to slip through the cracks as long as the cogs in the machine keep spinning. I was one of those kids. Maybe you were one of those kids as well.
Conclusion
Let’s empower our children to embrace their oddthentic selves. Let’s create a world where their unique voices are celebrated, not silenced. It’s in their individuality that they’ll find true belonging, confidence, and the courage to shape their own extraordinary paths.
Let’s raise a generation of oddthentic children, ready to shine their unique light upon the world.
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